


If I Said I Loved You

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Smut in the future, everyone's of age
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-04 17:38:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6668068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John's home for the summer and all he can think about is his old friend who he hasn't been speaking to. When Dave and John hit off their friendship like before, John starts to realize their bond is changing and their romance that ensues is only growing day by day. But, summer's going to eventually end, and John isn't sure he's willing to let go of him again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Said I Loved You

John lay awake from his sleep for a while, even with the evening light pouring insistently into his room, his digital clock blinking the time at him as if asking him to get the fuck up. Deciding to indulge his persistent electronic, John kicked off his way-too-hot heap of blankets and crawled off his bed, feet meeting with his cold, wooden floor.

 

Sliding on his slippers and waving his hand around on his nightstand to put his glasses on, he looked around his bedroom and to the window where he stared at a street he was awfully familiar with. A wave of nostalgia washes over him as his sight passes by the Strider’s adobe just across from his, down to the streetlight where he had his first kiss, and over to the curb where he remembers doing his first skateboard trick under Dave’s instructions. Needless to say, it didn’t go quite well, but he still smiled at the memory and the scar he received from it on his elbow.

 

He had been looking forward to coming home for this summer all year. The short breaks he got off to come back weren’t enough when he compared it to the months of vacation he was getting for summer, and the excitement he had for it for weeks beforehand was finally built up to now: his first day home. Luckily, his father had let him sleep through the day almost as soon as he got back and as unusual as that was for his father, he was happy his dad understood how tired he got from trips.

 

Looking at the time again, John wandered around his room to find an outfit different to the boxers he’d left himself in and the shirt he’d worn the whole way home. Pulling out an outfit basically as simple, he looked down at his phone to see if Jade or Rose had texted him, remembering Jade mentioning that she was going to swing by to get him when she got home and was ready. Rose was throwing a party, unsurprisingly, and John of course, was expected to attend. They _were_ his two best friends and Jade had become his favourite party buddy while they were at University together. She was the type to stay the designated driver; giving John the option of drinking if he so pleased. Besides, she’d been the first to get a car out of any of them, so the role had pretty much been hers since High School.

 

A polite, energetic knock on the front door and a sound of the doorbell ringing through the house and John knew she was already here. Quickly changing and sliding a pair of socks on, John went into the hall where he announced to his dad that he was going out for the night, even though he was certain he had told his dad before.

 

When he swung the front door open, Jade hugged him like she hadn’t just seen him last weekend, then immediately started to drag him away to the car, John having to reach behind him to close the door as he was swept away. “You look nice,” He said to her, taking note of her regular semi-formal apparel and already tanned skin (unlike his genetics which seemed to curse him to forever being a ghost even in the seasons of sun).

 

“Thanks!” She exclaims, as they find themselves seated in the car, his half-sister already rambling about the time it took to choose an outfit. They make small talk about the trip back home and then before they know it, they’ve reached the Lalonde’s on the other side of the neighbourhood apart from most of the other homes.

 

It’s already bustling from where the house sits on its hill and they’re forced to park on the street and walk up the long driveway. John’s ears are already filled with the music that’s gotten loud enough to not hear Jade even as they stand outside the door that Jade opens before he can, exposing the party that’s crowded with people and reeked with alcohol.

 

Jade leaves him then, shouting to him about a time he can’t hear, while he ventures off to find his old friends. When he finds Rose, she’s seated beside Kanaya who’s as well dressed as she’s always been, then Rose’s gaze finds him before he can even try to get her attention. He sits by her in the empty space that he can’t help but wonder was saved for him, smiling and greeting the two of them happily before he’s already handed a drink.

 

“What is it?” He asks Rose, who’s smiling and obviously sober, which pushes a smile onto John’s face too. Rose had improved with her drinking habits a lot and John constantly reminded her of how proud he was whenever he saw her; which hadn’t been since his birthday weekend in April.

 

“Alcohol,” She responds, the same smartass she’s always been, though not as bad as her brother. Speaking of... “Where’s Dave?” He asks, his head turning to surge through a crowd of classmates he’s been with his whole life, in the same groups they’d made in high school, a surprising number of them wearing University attire.

 

“Question after question already, Mr. Egbert?” Kanaya asks, smiling at him while he turns back to them, sipping his drink (which is way too sweet) before he responds. “A lot to ask,” He says.

 

“Dave’s around, I’m sure,” Rose replies, reaching a hand to John’s shoulder reassuringly, “When did you last see him, John?”

 

Not even 5 minutes into his first conversation with Rose in months and she’s already jumped to her questions of concern and readiness for deep talks that John doesn’t want to have. God, he missed her.

 

“I dunno. That Christmas party?” John guesses, shrugging his shoulders, hoping it doesn’t look like he cares as much as he does. Really, the whole year, Dave and him had been away from each other and hadn’t spoken for the large majority of that time. It happens though; old friends drift away as you’re forced to meet new people to spend your time with. But John and Dave had always been inseparable. It was just as sad to see their friendship dust away for anyone else as it was for them.

 

“I don’t recall you two talking much then,” Rose points out off the bat, sipping the drink she’s been taking her time on, Kanaya’s eyes on him too while the conversation carries on. He feels uneasy already and smiles at the two of them again, a hand patting Rose’s shoulder in return to her previous gesture before he stood, saying, “I’m going to go and see if I can catch up with some people. I’ll see you ladies later!”

 

“Good, tell me if you find Dave,” Rose responds, eyeing him with a look he’s seen far too many times before. Whether he liked it or not, they were going to talk later. He couldn’t run if he tried.

 

He finds Jake and Dirk (or rather, they find him; screaming and embracing him so much he couldn’t breathe for a minute) who take him outside to the pool where the party’s looking more like a party and less like a hangout. Jake leaves when Roxy’s pulling him out to the beer pong table and John surely doesn’t miss the way Dirk watches them.

 

“How are you and Jake?” He asks Dirk, remembering how he didn’t ask about it at his birthday when Jake was absent. Dirk’s reply is slow and takes a minute, his sunglasses concealing any visible emotion in his eyes, “Friends,” Dirk eventually says with a smirk, wrapping an arm around John’s shoulder, “For now, anyway. We’re talking.”

 

He’s happy to hear that and pushes into Dirk’s touch to encourage it. Dirk had always been one of John’s closest friends; being close to Dave was easy access to Dirk after all. A few nights where Dave hit the hay a little earlier than them and Dirk and John would be giggling over telling embarrassing stories about their best friend and twin brother. It was often that Dirk would even join them when they hung out, Jake tagging along on days where Dirk wanted him to. In all honesty, Dirk knew John and Dave’s relationship better than anyone – even Rose. So, it doesn’t surprise him when Dirk asks, “Have you seen Dave yet?”

 

John sighs and rubs his eyes, pulling away from Dirk, “No, I haven’t,” He says, Dirk looking at him with a little bit too much concern, “What?” John questions, not being able to help a smile when Dirk raises his eyebrow, “Everyone keeps asking!”

 

This brings back Dirk’s smirk while he moves his hand to John’s when he starts walking away with him, “You need a stronger drink,” He says.

 

What seems to be a couple hours later and John is by the pool with Dirk, Jake, and Roxy, the alcohol settled in to relax him as the music blares and the few lights they have start to appear a lot brighter than they were before. They’re talking and dancing with the other people there and he’s being spun and picked up and his head is even kissed by one of his friends at some point. And for the first time since he got back, John’s not worrying about Dave. Not until a hand meets with his.

 

He’s ready to turn to who he thinks is Dirk when his eyes meet with a different pair of shades, “Dirk, where did you get those?” He asks, laughing, the person showing worry in response. “Really?” They ask, the voice tearing down John’s smile when he realizes his mistake.

 

“Dave?”

 

The grip he has on John’s hand softens when he raises a hand to his cheek and stares hard at him, John swaying a little bit, balance unkempt with alcohol in his stream. “Jesus, John,” Dave says, “Who got you hammered?”

 

Blinking and looking around, John points at Dave’s twin who was already looking over at them, distracted from Jake and Roxy who were splashing him from the pool. When he looked back, Dave dropped his hand from John’s face and walked, John following with Dave’s hand still in his. “Where are we going?” John sang, eyes on Dave’s back while they pushed through a crowd outside, walking at the side of the house.

 

“We’re leaving, John,” Dave said, voice more tamed than it had been before – which should relax John, but for some reason, he’s having difficulty doing that. “But, I don’t wanna goooo,” John whined, looking back to the setting they were leaving. Moving still with no reply for a minute, John turned back forwards, “I should tell Dirk.”

 

“He saw us leave,” Dave said, the two of them now at the bottom of the driveway on the busy street of parked cars and various young adults in their own groups. John started walking beside Dave now, pulling his own hand back to himself to pull out his phone, texting Dirk something he wasn’t sure made sense but probably got the point across. Whatever point he was trying to make.

 

Eventually, John recognized where they were going and stopped asking questions Dave wasn’t fully answering, probably because John was slurring them and giggling too much for it to be audible. Their destination was an old hangout spot of theirs and by the time they get there, John’s feet are suddenly tired from the dancing and long walk, so he collapses on the ground in front of their tree, the impact hurting a little more than he expected.

 

Dave sits by him and rubs his back, asking if he ate before drinking. John ponders the question, taking a minute to process it, “I think someone gave me something to eat,” He says, sitting up on his knees to look at Dave whose shades are off while he wipes them on his shirt. Even in his buzzed mind, he feels odd looking at him. It shouldn’t feel like he hasn’t seen him before. This was still the person he would lay awake with past curfew in this exact spot almost always just for the sake of being with each other. This was still that person; the person who knew him better than anyone else and vice versa. So why does it feel like Dave is such a stranger?

 

“You good, Egbert?” Dave asks, obviously noticing how long John had stared at him, putting his shades back on, “You’re staring at me like I’m the monster under your bed.”

 

John rolls his eyes; Dave and his stupid similes.

 

“I’m drunk,” John says, looking down. He meant to say a lot more than that. He meant to try and tell Dave that there was a lot he wanted to ask and talk about once he was sober and ready to hear it, but instead, all he can process and release are those two words that cause Dave to laugh a little.

 

“Yes, John, I know,” Dave says, leaning forward to where John sat, eyebrows raised in anticipation. He waits a second and then John pushes Dave to lay him back down, not thinking when he lays practically on top of him, his face right up against his old friend’s. He remembers that the last time they did this was a year ago in the summer. He thinks about how long ago that was. His expression saddens. “You’re an asshole,” John mumbles, nuzzling his head against Dave’s, who turns towards him, so close that John can see his opened eyes behind his shades.

 

“I know,” Dave says, almost kind of sadly, as he wraps his arms around John and holds him in silence for a while, leaving them to their own thoughts before John starts giggling nonstop, his breath tickling the freckled skin of Dave’s cheeks. “What?” Dave questions, a laugh restrained on his own part, leaving a smile on his glowing features. The darker haired boy just leans closer into him while he laughs and finally stops long enough to talk, “You’re so attractive that it’s dumb,” John says, adding, “And I’m drunk.” like it would make a point of some sort.

 

Dave’s smile fades slowly away and soon, John’s does too, almost imitating Dave’s emotions. It leaves them to the sound of cicadas and while John thinks about falling asleep like that, he feels Dave’s breath against his own lips and an urge arising.

 

Not thinking, John closes his eyes and leans in slow enough for Dave to stop him. But, he doesn’t. And John kisses his best friend so gently that he hardly realizes it’s happening until Dave is returning it.  It picks up from there, intimate, sweet, and slow. And Dave’s lips are soft enough to be a lullaby that John starts to flutter his eyes open and closed. In the first several seconds, John falls asleep in Dave’s hold, lips connected, mind leaving him as his tiredness from the night overwhelms him.

 

Yeah, he just fell asleep in the middle of a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying out this new style of writing, so I thought "Hey. Why not JohnDave?", but now I have a whole story planned and I'm a mess for this ship. Someone help.


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